Blind to Betrayal Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren't Being Fooled Jennifer Freyd Pamela Birrell 9780470604403 Books
Download As PDF : Blind to Betrayal Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren't Being Fooled Jennifer Freyd Pamela Birrell 9780470604403 Books
One of the world's top experts on betrayal looks at why we often can't see it right in front of our faces
But this work did surprise. And it provided the kind of profound insights that informed the work I do in a very different field.
Freyd and Birrell take a complex body of research on betrayal and clearly and accessibly bring it to life through the lives of real people. These are complex human beings, struggling with fully-human contradictions and anxieties, who face nothing less than the collapse of the most basic assumptions about safety, security, and self. Why, they ask, didn't I see that my secure world was about to be shattered by a lie, an infidelity, a betrayal? Freyd's and Birrell's subjects are so richly drawn that what society often caricatures as the implausible gullibility of the betrayed is revealed to be a much more basic and powerful human response, a way we all protect ourselves from the deep hurt of having had a supposedly trusting relationship suddenly ripped apart.
The larger issue I am now stuck on - and the reason I think people from a variety of backgrounds and disciplines need to read this book - has to do with the question of evil with which my colleagues (sociologists and criminologists, for the most part) deal. Much of our work tries to understand large-scale, collective acts of extreme violence that can also rip away our most basic feelings of safety and security. But as I was pulled into the world of individuals who have felt the sting of betrayal, I found myself questioning the most basic assumptions of what constitutes evil behavior. Might our focus on genocides, natural disasters, and acts of terror obscure the extent to which cruel acts of betrayal - sometimes occurring behind closed doors and without explosions and mayhem - are among the most painful and traumatic experiences we can know as human beings? And might the perpetrators of these betrayals fully deserve a fully prominent position in any hierarchy of evil?
I may not have any answers, but Freyd and Birrell have brilliantly brought these questions to life with profound wisdom and insight.
Tags : Blind to Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren't Being Fooled [Jennifer Freyd, Pamela Birrell] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. <DIV><b>One of the world's top experts on betrayal looks at why we often can't see it right in front of our faces</b> If the cover-up is worse than the crime,Jennifer Freyd, Pamela Birrell,Blind to Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren't Being Fooled,Wiley,0470604409,Abuse,Betrayal.,Interpersonal relations.,Abuse - General,SELF-HELP Abuse,Self-Help
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I have been giving this book to clients since it was first published. Every client who had been either a victim of child sexual abuse or of domestic violence (verbal, emotional, physical, sexual abuse) by a partner has found it very, very helpful! The constructs of betrayal trauma, betrayal blindness, dissociation are the most effective explanations of a victim's reaction to abuse. Love this book!
Mel Langston, PhD, LPC
This is an eye-opening insightful book that describes how so many of us are literally blind to the ways we are betrayed in life. The book describes the psychological reasons why our brains, in attempting to protect from traumas, make us reject obvious betrayals. There are many kinds of betrayals, from those within families, relationships, and our institutions.
Some of the readers of this reviewer’s postings are Policy students. The notes from this book that follow are for them, as well as the public who wish to learn more in general about this topic. The book goes into far greater explanations and does so in a manner that is understandable to the general public. Complex psychological issues are clearly and expertly presented.
Policy students may wish to note both how governments can be involved in betrayals. Further, the general issue itself creates societal issues that need to be addressed by our intellectual disability services.
For those seeking a review, this is an excellent book for people who wish to learn more about this area of Psychology. It may be useful to learning more if one has experienced betrayal or if one seeks to learn more about others who have been betrayed. This book will be extremely helpful.
For those seeking some notes about some points from this book, my notes are as follows
Our brains often operate is convoluted ways, according to the authors. Sometimes when the mind deduces that someone emotionally close has evidently committed betrayal, the mind reduces the immediate pain from that recognition by transforming the betrayal evidence from recognizing it towards rejecting it. This though may be worse in terms of long term pain, especially if the betrayal continues and continual emotional pains are inflicted.
The authors recommend that people admit to themselves and others when they discover betrayals. What may emerge from this is hope that the mind may process this towards leading to healing. The alternative of continued blindness may be more emotionally harmful to the betrayed as well as allowing the injustices of further betrayals to continue.
People sometimes suffer from what is known as “betrayal blindness”, which is an “unawareness of information that is present but is somehow “whooshed” away”. It has been a fault of the psychological profession that this has been little studied, leading the authors to note that “Psychology as a discipline may suffer from betrayal blindness” as it is more concerned about individuals and their symptoms than upon interpersonal relations.
Children may suffer betrayal blindness when it comes to being abused or discriminated against.
There is societal betrayal. Children grew up being taught that they exist in a society that awards merit and believes in equality of opportunities. Many, especially people of racial minorities, learn later in this this is not reality.
There is a visual aspect to betrayal blindness. It is possible for someone to see something that one doesn’t want to see and have the mind not register the sight. The mind protects itself by doing that. Often one may intellectually know what they saw, yet a mental defensive mechanism of denial operates that does not properly process the information seen.
People who are betrayed become either confrontational or withdrawn. Those that withdraw may go into denial
People abused by a parent who loves them display betrayal feelings, Psychologists often focus on the resulting symptoms but not the underlying issues of feeling betrayed. Many suppress these memories that may lead to later psychological problems.
Sexual assault victims sometimes react passively to the attack. Fear is often a facto.r When the victim knows the assailant, betrayal is often felt
“Stockholm syndrome”, where a captive develops empathy for the capturer, is a subset of betrayal blindness. The captive person’s mind better registers whatever kindness the capturer shows and reduces the traumatic aspects. In some kidnap cases, seeking to create an attachment bond with the capturer is also a survival skill.
There can be collective betrayal blindness. An example of that was in 2003 when many continued believing our leaders that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction long after this was disproven.
There is institutional betrayal. Employees become blind to workplace injustices. There is institutional blindness, with the child sex scandals of the Catholic Church prominently demonstrating this.
An Institutional Betrayal Questionnaire of 345 female college students found 47% had been sexual assault at least once. Over a third experienced the assault from an institutional source. Those who suffered institutional betrayal had higher level of traumatic symptoms.
In the Penn State child sex abuse, there was public sympathy for the coach who was blind to the assaults and let them occur. Many who opt to remain blind to an assault continue this blindness in subsequent cases.
There have been many sexual assaults within military personnel. This trauma, when experienced in addition to combat trauma, can be devastating.
It is sometimes difficult to criminally prosecute assailants.The freezing defensive mechanism is often labeled by defense attorneys. Many victims, especially when suppressing the memories, make poor witnesses who may have inconsistencies in their testimonies or may not recall details of the crimes.
Bystanders are sometimes blind to betrayals. It is easier to avoid difficulties through “psychic numbing” than to take risks that could be harmful in order to help a victim. A horrific example of this was seen in the collective passivity of people who looked the other way when people were taken away during the Holocaust.
People, when confronted, often choose to fight, flee, or freeze (also known as “toxic immobility”). The freezing action is often seen in response to suffering a betrayal.
Research indicates that trauma exposure creates poor mental health. Such exposure creates increased risk for depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress, dissociation, borderline personality, and physical problems.
Research finds women are usually more affected by betrayal trauma than are men.
If a victim is dependent upon the person committing an assault, the victim may decide it is more important to preserve the relationship. The abuse is then tolerated and sometimes forgotten.
Research shows people with high degrees of alexithymia, which is a difficulty in realizing one’s own emotional feeling and experiences, often exists with people who were abused as children.
“Group-think” creates self-censoring among members of a group. This can lead to institutional betrayal blindness.
Betrayal blindness can cause high dissociations and make one more apt to be forgetful in general and more apt to be a betrayed victim again. It can then be more difficult to form relations with others.
Some victims go on to victimize others. This creates even more stressful problems.
A person who discloses betrayal faces the denials and counter-accusations from the perpetrator. This can further psychologically damage the victim and causes a retreat back into silence.
A betrayed person can help heal by acknowledging the betrayal.
Societal admission of cultural betrayal can create justice. People now recognize the mistakes made during times of genocide and government abuses. This makes people recognize and resist these injustices.
It is important that people listen to dialogues when presented with someone discussing a betrayal. Only disclose something learned when it is safe to disclose it.
This book has been so helpful for me. It's helped me to understand how on earth it was possible that certain people didn't see what was being done to me when I was a child. It's helped me to understand how someone can tell me a story that clearly indicates they were aware of what was happening on one level, but had talked themselves into believing something else was happening. I could never understand that before. It's also helped reinforce my understanding of why amnesia was my only choice in the midst of what was being done to me. There is also a clear presentation of what led to the whole False Memory Syndrome debate that was very helpful.
I'm not entirely keen on some of the writing style, but that's a personal thing and doesn't detract in any way from the power of the content of this book.
I salute the authors for bringing this much needed information into the world.
The power of this extraordinary book - and the riveting and provocative read it provided -- was not a complete surprise. Freyd is a distinguished research psychologist and Birrell a skilled clinician, both contributors to a seminal body of psychological research on trauma, memory and betrayal Why do we sometimes forget traumatic events? Why and how do we remember them? Why and how do we find ourselves stunned when we discover betrayals that it seems everyone else had seen all along? Why do we blind ourselves to truths that much later seem so obvious and clear?
But this work did surprise. And it provided the kind of profound insights that informed the work I do in a very different field.
Freyd and Birrell take a complex body of research on betrayal and clearly and accessibly bring it to life through the lives of real people. These are complex human beings, struggling with fully-human contradictions and anxieties, who face nothing less than the collapse of the most basic assumptions about safety, security, and self. Why, they ask, didn't I see that my secure world was about to be shattered by a lie, an infidelity, a betrayal? Freyd's and Birrell's subjects are so richly drawn that what society often caricatures as the implausible gullibility of the betrayed is revealed to be a much more basic and powerful human response, a way we all protect ourselves from the deep hurt of having had a supposedly trusting relationship suddenly ripped apart.
The larger issue I am now stuck on - and the reason I think people from a variety of backgrounds and disciplines need to read this book - has to do with the question of evil with which my colleagues (sociologists and criminologists, for the most part) deal. Much of our work tries to understand large-scale, collective acts of extreme violence that can also rip away our most basic feelings of safety and security. But as I was pulled into the world of individuals who have felt the sting of betrayal, I found myself questioning the most basic assumptions of what constitutes evil behavior. Might our focus on genocides, natural disasters, and acts of terror obscure the extent to which cruel acts of betrayal - sometimes occurring behind closed doors and without explosions and mayhem - are among the most painful and traumatic experiences we can know as human beings? And might the perpetrators of these betrayals fully deserve a fully prominent position in any hierarchy of evil?
I may not have any answers, but Freyd and Birrell have brilliantly brought these questions to life with profound wisdom and insight.
If the cover-up is worse than the crime, blindness to betrayal can be worse than the betrayal itself. Whether the betrayer is an unfaithful spouse, an abusive authority figure, an unfair boss, or a corrupt institution, we often refuse to see the truth order to protect ourselves. This book explores the fascinating phenomenon of how and why we ignore or deny betrayal, and what we can gain by transforming ""betrayal blindness"" into insight.
- Explains the psychological phenomenon of ""betrayal blindness"", in which we implicitly choose unawareness in order to avoid the risk of seeing treachery or injustice
- Based on the authors' substantial original research and clinical experience carried out over the last decade as well as their own story of confronting betrayal
- Filled with fascinating case studies involving unfaithful spouses, abusive authority figures and corrupt institutions, to name a few
In a remarkable collaboration of science and clinical perspectives, Jennifer Freyd, one of the world's top experts on betrayal and child abuse, teams up with Pamela Birrell, a psychotherapist and educator with 25 years of experience.
Blind to Betrayal Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren't Being Fooled Jennifer Freyd Pamela Birrell 9780470604403 Books
The power of this extraordinary book - and the riveting and provocative read it provided -- was not a complete surprise. Freyd is a distinguished research psychologist and Birrell a skilled clinician, both contributors to a seminal body of psychological research on trauma, memory and betrayal: Why do we sometimes forget traumatic events? Why and how do we remember them? Why and how do we find ourselves stunned when we discover betrayals that it seems everyone else had seen all along? Why do we blind ourselves to truths that much later seem so obvious and clear?But this work did surprise. And it provided the kind of profound insights that informed the work I do in a very different field.
Freyd and Birrell take a complex body of research on betrayal and clearly and accessibly bring it to life through the lives of real people. These are complex human beings, struggling with fully-human contradictions and anxieties, who face nothing less than the collapse of the most basic assumptions about safety, security, and self. Why, they ask, didn't I see that my secure world was about to be shattered by a lie, an infidelity, a betrayal? Freyd's and Birrell's subjects are so richly drawn that what society often caricatures as the implausible gullibility of the betrayed is revealed to be a much more basic and powerful human response, a way we all protect ourselves from the deep hurt of having had a supposedly trusting relationship suddenly ripped apart.
The larger issue I am now stuck on - and the reason I think people from a variety of backgrounds and disciplines need to read this book - has to do with the question of evil with which my colleagues (sociologists and criminologists, for the most part) deal. Much of our work tries to understand large-scale, collective acts of extreme violence that can also rip away our most basic feelings of safety and security. But as I was pulled into the world of individuals who have felt the sting of betrayal, I found myself questioning the most basic assumptions of what constitutes evil behavior. Might our focus on genocides, natural disasters, and acts of terror obscure the extent to which cruel acts of betrayal - sometimes occurring behind closed doors and without explosions and mayhem - are among the most painful and traumatic experiences we can know as human beings? And might the perpetrators of these betrayals fully deserve a fully prominent position in any hierarchy of evil?
I may not have any answers, but Freyd and Birrell have brilliantly brought these questions to life with profound wisdom and insight.
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Tags : Blind to Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren't Being Fooled [Jennifer Freyd, Pamela Birrell] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. <DIV><b>One of the world's top experts on betrayal looks at why we often can't see it right in front of our faces</b> If the cover-up is worse than the crime,Jennifer Freyd, Pamela Birrell,Blind to Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren't Being Fooled,Wiley,0470604409,Abuse,Betrayal.,Interpersonal relations.,Abuse - General,SELF-HELP Abuse,Self-Help
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Blind to Betrayal Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren't Being Fooled Jennifer Freyd Pamela Birrell 9780470604403 Books Reviews
I have been giving this book to clients since it was first published. Every client who had been either a victim of child sexual abuse or of domestic violence (verbal, emotional, physical, sexual abuse) by a partner has found it very, very helpful! The constructs of betrayal trauma, betrayal blindness, dissociation are the most effective explanations of a victim's reaction to abuse. Love this book!
Mel Langston, PhD, LPC
This is an eye-opening insightful book that describes how so many of us are literally blind to the ways we are betrayed in life. The book describes the psychological reasons why our brains, in attempting to protect from traumas, make us reject obvious betrayals. There are many kinds of betrayals, from those within families, relationships, and our institutions.
Some of the readers of this reviewer’s postings are Policy students. The notes from this book that follow are for them, as well as the public who wish to learn more in general about this topic. The book goes into far greater explanations and does so in a manner that is understandable to the general public. Complex psychological issues are clearly and expertly presented.
Policy students may wish to note both how governments can be involved in betrayals. Further, the general issue itself creates societal issues that need to be addressed by our intellectual disability services.
For those seeking a review, this is an excellent book for people who wish to learn more about this area of Psychology. It may be useful to learning more if one has experienced betrayal or if one seeks to learn more about others who have been betrayed. This book will be extremely helpful.
For those seeking some notes about some points from this book, my notes are as follows
Our brains often operate is convoluted ways, according to the authors. Sometimes when the mind deduces that someone emotionally close has evidently committed betrayal, the mind reduces the immediate pain from that recognition by transforming the betrayal evidence from recognizing it towards rejecting it. This though may be worse in terms of long term pain, especially if the betrayal continues and continual emotional pains are inflicted.
The authors recommend that people admit to themselves and others when they discover betrayals. What may emerge from this is hope that the mind may process this towards leading to healing. The alternative of continued blindness may be more emotionally harmful to the betrayed as well as allowing the injustices of further betrayals to continue.
People sometimes suffer from what is known as “betrayal blindness”, which is an “unawareness of information that is present but is somehow “whooshed” away”. It has been a fault of the psychological profession that this has been little studied, leading the authors to note that “Psychology as a discipline may suffer from betrayal blindness” as it is more concerned about individuals and their symptoms than upon interpersonal relations.
Children may suffer betrayal blindness when it comes to being abused or discriminated against.
There is societal betrayal. Children grew up being taught that they exist in a society that awards merit and believes in equality of opportunities. Many, especially people of racial minorities, learn later in this this is not reality.
There is a visual aspect to betrayal blindness. It is possible for someone to see something that one doesn’t want to see and have the mind not register the sight. The mind protects itself by doing that. Often one may intellectually know what they saw, yet a mental defensive mechanism of denial operates that does not properly process the information seen.
People who are betrayed become either confrontational or withdrawn. Those that withdraw may go into denial
People abused by a parent who loves them display betrayal feelings, Psychologists often focus on the resulting symptoms but not the underlying issues of feeling betrayed. Many suppress these memories that may lead to later psychological problems.
Sexual assault victims sometimes react passively to the attack. Fear is often a facto.r When the victim knows the assailant, betrayal is often felt
“Stockholm syndrome”, where a captive develops empathy for the capturer, is a subset of betrayal blindness. The captive person’s mind better registers whatever kindness the capturer shows and reduces the traumatic aspects. In some kidnap cases, seeking to create an attachment bond with the capturer is also a survival skill.
There can be collective betrayal blindness. An example of that was in 2003 when many continued believing our leaders that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction long after this was disproven.
There is institutional betrayal. Employees become blind to workplace injustices. There is institutional blindness, with the child sex scandals of the Catholic Church prominently demonstrating this.
An Institutional Betrayal Questionnaire of 345 female college students found 47% had been sexual assault at least once. Over a third experienced the assault from an institutional source. Those who suffered institutional betrayal had higher level of traumatic symptoms.
In the Penn State child sex abuse, there was public sympathy for the coach who was blind to the assaults and let them occur. Many who opt to remain blind to an assault continue this blindness in subsequent cases.
There have been many sexual assaults within military personnel. This trauma, when experienced in addition to combat trauma, can be devastating.
It is sometimes difficult to criminally prosecute assailants.The freezing defensive mechanism is often labeled by defense attorneys. Many victims, especially when suppressing the memories, make poor witnesses who may have inconsistencies in their testimonies or may not recall details of the crimes.
Bystanders are sometimes blind to betrayals. It is easier to avoid difficulties through “psychic numbing” than to take risks that could be harmful in order to help a victim. A horrific example of this was seen in the collective passivity of people who looked the other way when people were taken away during the Holocaust.
People, when confronted, often choose to fight, flee, or freeze (also known as “toxic immobility”). The freezing action is often seen in response to suffering a betrayal.
Research indicates that trauma exposure creates poor mental health. Such exposure creates increased risk for depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress, dissociation, borderline personality, and physical problems.
Research finds women are usually more affected by betrayal trauma than are men.
If a victim is dependent upon the person committing an assault, the victim may decide it is more important to preserve the relationship. The abuse is then tolerated and sometimes forgotten.
Research shows people with high degrees of alexithymia, which is a difficulty in realizing one’s own emotional feeling and experiences, often exists with people who were abused as children.
“Group-think” creates self-censoring among members of a group. This can lead to institutional betrayal blindness.
Betrayal blindness can cause high dissociations and make one more apt to be forgetful in general and more apt to be a betrayed victim again. It can then be more difficult to form relations with others.
Some victims go on to victimize others. This creates even more stressful problems.
A person who discloses betrayal faces the denials and counter-accusations from the perpetrator. This can further psychologically damage the victim and causes a retreat back into silence.
A betrayed person can help heal by acknowledging the betrayal.
Societal admission of cultural betrayal can create justice. People now recognize the mistakes made during times of genocide and government abuses. This makes people recognize and resist these injustices.
It is important that people listen to dialogues when presented with someone discussing a betrayal. Only disclose something learned when it is safe to disclose it.
This book has been so helpful for me. It's helped me to understand how on earth it was possible that certain people didn't see what was being done to me when I was a child. It's helped me to understand how someone can tell me a story that clearly indicates they were aware of what was happening on one level, but had talked themselves into believing something else was happening. I could never understand that before. It's also helped reinforce my understanding of why amnesia was my only choice in the midst of what was being done to me. There is also a clear presentation of what led to the whole False Memory Syndrome debate that was very helpful.
I'm not entirely keen on some of the writing style, but that's a personal thing and doesn't detract in any way from the power of the content of this book.
I salute the authors for bringing this much needed information into the world.
The power of this extraordinary book - and the riveting and provocative read it provided -- was not a complete surprise. Freyd is a distinguished research psychologist and Birrell a skilled clinician, both contributors to a seminal body of psychological research on trauma, memory and betrayal Why do we sometimes forget traumatic events? Why and how do we remember them? Why and how do we find ourselves stunned when we discover betrayals that it seems everyone else had seen all along? Why do we blind ourselves to truths that much later seem so obvious and clear?
But this work did surprise. And it provided the kind of profound insights that informed the work I do in a very different field.
Freyd and Birrell take a complex body of research on betrayal and clearly and accessibly bring it to life through the lives of real people. These are complex human beings, struggling with fully-human contradictions and anxieties, who face nothing less than the collapse of the most basic assumptions about safety, security, and self. Why, they ask, didn't I see that my secure world was about to be shattered by a lie, an infidelity, a betrayal? Freyd's and Birrell's subjects are so richly drawn that what society often caricatures as the implausible gullibility of the betrayed is revealed to be a much more basic and powerful human response, a way we all protect ourselves from the deep hurt of having had a supposedly trusting relationship suddenly ripped apart.
The larger issue I am now stuck on - and the reason I think people from a variety of backgrounds and disciplines need to read this book - has to do with the question of evil with which my colleagues (sociologists and criminologists, for the most part) deal. Much of our work tries to understand large-scale, collective acts of extreme violence that can also rip away our most basic feelings of safety and security. But as I was pulled into the world of individuals who have felt the sting of betrayal, I found myself questioning the most basic assumptions of what constitutes evil behavior. Might our focus on genocides, natural disasters, and acts of terror obscure the extent to which cruel acts of betrayal - sometimes occurring behind closed doors and without explosions and mayhem - are among the most painful and traumatic experiences we can know as human beings? And might the perpetrators of these betrayals fully deserve a fully prominent position in any hierarchy of evil?
I may not have any answers, but Freyd and Birrell have brilliantly brought these questions to life with profound wisdom and insight.
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